THE SHADOW SIDE OF TIME FREEDOM (62)

Speaker: 00:00:58

I'm embarrassed at how many times

I was, like, scripting in my head

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how to start this conversation.

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Does anyone else do that, where

they literally, like, in their head

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practice what they're about to say?

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Can we stop that?

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Just fucking speak, woman.

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Speak, speak, speak.

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Okay.

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Here we go.

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This isn't even like spicy or anything.

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It's funny.

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I have a hard time sometimes

starting things and then

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once I start I can't stop so

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I've been reflecting today on this

like new sense of time freedom that

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I'm Experiencing since my daughter

Aubrey has been going to daycare And,

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long story short, like she, we made the

decision as a family to start sending

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her to daycare back in the summer.

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And, oh my god, those first three

months, literally July, August, and

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September, I kid you not, might have

been like the hardest months of my life.

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Because it was not going well, and I

was feeling so stuck and so discouraged

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and crippled with self doubt not feeling

like I made the right decision or second

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guessing my decision and just really at

odds with the system that we exist in in

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the sense of the collective undervaluing

of mothers and my own inner self Inner

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shit that was going on, of noticing that

I wanted to be everything to her and

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so there was this ego death that had to

happen in creating that separation between

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her and I where I actually needed to

find safety in not being with her all the

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time and allowing And practicing building

trust in other people looking after her.

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And yeah, like those first couple

months were not, were not easy because

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she was not transitioning well.

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And even though I was all of a sudden

getting this chunk of time in the day

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that I've literally never experienced.

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Because prior to becoming a mom, I I

worked, basically, full time and work

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shift work, and there was always shit

to do that sense of time freedom was

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very new and very unfamiliar, and it

wasn't something that I could even

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land into, because I was still so

enmeshed with, with my daughter, and

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the our, the maternal baby bond that

obviously is real and exists, and I'm

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still breastfeeding, I think hormonally

that, that attachment is even deeper.

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I, I hear from many moms that once,

once they're done breastfeeding,

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the, the relationship just shifts.

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And I recognize that we haven't

experienced that shift yet.

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And so that was also playing into

all of the emotional, energetic

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stuff that I was experiencing all

summer in being separated from her.

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And also this really uncomfortable

truth of sitting in my own privilege.

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The privilege of even getting to

have the choice and the financial

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ability to send her to child care.

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That was uncomfortable in itself.

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I, I remember many times thinking man,

this would be So much easier, quote

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unquote, if there wasn't a choice here,

if I like had to go back to work and

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like we had no choice and we had to

send her to daycare, but we had that

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choice and sitting with that choice

was really, really uncomfortable too.

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Anyways, I said this is gonna be a

long story short and that turned into

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a long story long as it always does.

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My point is, is it took a

good three months for that

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transition to To transition.

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So it really wasn't until October, like

last month, end of September, beginning of

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October, that we started to find ourselves

in a new groove and a new routine.

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She now actually likes and

wants to go to daycare.

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She is thriving.

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There is no pressure.

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Urgency for me during the

day to go pick her up.

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She's even napping there, which I

never thought would have happened.

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And all of this to say I now have

this new sense of time freedom

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that like I said I've literally

never experienced in my life.

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And I think A lot of people

have this desire, right?

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Time freedom is a big goal and

it was absolutely a goal of mine.

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It's like a value freedom I'm recognizing

is one of my, my biggest values and

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that manifests in so many different

aspects of life and like the flexibility

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of time is one of those things.

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And more, more so the, the, the

flexibility to actually just meet and tend

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to my body on a minute by minute basis

and not be attached to the constructs and

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the timelines of society or obligations

outside of me and I recognize that

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that is a fucking privilege and I'm,

I'm I'm really aware of it and sitting

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with it and not taking it for granted.

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I also can see the sacrifices and

the compromises and the devotion and

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dedication and commitment that Myself

and my husband have had to make to get

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to this point right this didn't just

like land in my lap These were this

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this is a manifestation of like many

conscious choices to get to this place

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and anyways the whole point of this

episode in this conversation is because

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I want to talk about this new sense of

time freedom and how Unfamiliar it is

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to my nervous system and how Yeah, this

was the goal and I could be sitting

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here like just living my best life but

there's still so many parts of me that

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want to run on autopilot and autopilot

being like we must get things done.

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We must use this time efficiently

We must tackle the to do list and

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that's not why I wanted this, right?

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I just named like I wanted this

for that That spaciousness and

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that flexibility to be attuned to

and in relationship to my body.

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And today specifically I have, I have some

big ambitions over the next couple weeks.

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I am, I'm, I'm in the middle of,

I guess, a launch, if you want to

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call it that, although that word

doesn't necessarily resonate.

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I'm, I'm creating, I'm gestating, I'm

birthing a retreat, a virtual retreat

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for January, February, March, three

month retreat, and I'm in the process

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of just getting crystal clear on what

that's looking and the women that

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I'm calling in for that container.

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And I have it in my head that I

have to create a sales page for it.

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And of course that's in my head, right?

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Because that's all we've ever seen.

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We see the, the business world,

we see the, the, the gurus and the

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coaches tell us like, yeah, you

need to have this, this sales page.

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That's how people buy your stuff.

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And I'm putting all this

pressure on myself to Master

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and perfect this sales page.

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I'm putting all this pressure

on myself to have this

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organic kind of funnel be created.

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And these, these avenues for people to

enter my ecosystem and get a taste of

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me and get a sense of like my energy

and my approach, knowing that they

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likely need to build trust with me

before they're willing to actually

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commit to some sort of financial exchange.

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To be a member or a not a member.

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I don't even know why that came out of

my mouth to just be one of the women

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that I'm calling in for this retreat.

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And I can see so clearly that

those pressures, those aren't mine.

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Those are coming from outside of me.

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Those are coming from the boss

babe mindset and the bro marketing

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strategies and tactics that is all

we've really ever been exposed to.

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So anything outside of that feels.

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Anything outside of that feels impossible,

anything outside of that feels wrong.

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And the thing is, is what

if, what if that's actually

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the answer that like we've

all been looking for?

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And I'm not saying The way I am

about to do things is your answer.

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I'm saying like just what if

not following the way it's

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always been done is the answer.

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Right?

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And really tuning into what your

body and like the the soul and the

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essence of your business and the soul

and the essence of whatever offering

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you're creating is asking of you

and literally being in relationship,

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relationship to it and asking like

how do you want to be seen today?

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What if it was actually that simple?

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And so for me personally, like I said,

this sense of time freedom, and literally

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today I had one call this morning.

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The rest of my day, the rest of the

chunk of day that my daughter's at

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daycare, I have all this flexibility.

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I can do whatever the fuck I want to do

in this time, and I noticed how, how quick

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I was to, to fall into the traps of that

pressure, and And almost just see that,

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that pressure to work on the sales page

and work on the launch of this retreat.

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And all of that was out of alignment of

what my body was actually asking for.

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My body was actually asking for

movement and connection and food.

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I sometimes get into these like hyper

fixated moments of doing whatever it

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is that I'm focused on and I don't even

recognize that I'm hungry and so like

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I forget to eat lunch and today I was

able to recognize oh actually my body

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wants lunch right now let's go have lunch

instead of waiting till like I'm starving

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and it's past the point of no return.

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And that's what I'm talking about here

is like being able to be in that space

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where you are so present With your body's

communication that the answers you keep

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looking for outside of yourself are

revealed Because your body literally tells

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you what's next like the steps literally

unfold for you without you Putting a bunch

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of energy into figuring it out, right?

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So my day ended up being a 49 minute

dance party, some journaling, some

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voice noting to some women that I would

really love to see at this retreat.

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And now here I am recording this, like

this, none of this was on my to do list

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and I'm not like scrapping my to do list.

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I'm just like in full trust

that it will organically unfold.

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And when I show up, if I even show up

to completing the so called sales page

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for this retreat, it won't be from

obligation and it won't be from force.

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It will be because the words

are just ready to ooze out

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of me and be put onto paper.

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I have enough evidence now to support

that forcing words on paper, forcing

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content, forcing copy doesn't work.

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And When I mean, it doesn't work

sure, I can get something done,

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but that resonance, that felt

experience for the person that's

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reading it, is so disconnected.

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And I think this is a missing

piece in the business space and the

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marketing space, is we really need

to be focusing on resonance building.

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We need to be showing up to our business

and our marketing and our copywriting.

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From this very safe and excited and

grounded, rooted channel, right?

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Not from this place of desperation and

not from this place of Oh, I have to get

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this done and move through my to do list.

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Or not from this place of I can't

do this until I do that, right?

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The conditions that we kind of put

on our tasks and our productivity.

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And I know I'm all over the place.

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This is just how things go.

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If you're new to my world.

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And you're not following

along, then this is it.

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Take it or leave it.

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I don't script my episodes.

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I don't really even think too hard

about what I want to talk about.

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I just have this nudge of

okay, we're going to go here,

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and then I start talking.

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So here we are, and we're here.

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And I just want to really give

language to the fact that when the

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strategy that you are trying to

implement in your business feels

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hard and uncomfortable and sticky.

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Ask yourself what's here for me?

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Is this, this hard and this uncomfortable

and sticky because this is an edge for me?

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Or is this hard and uncomfortable

and sticky because this is

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out of alignment for me?

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And being able to discern between

those two things, obviously is a

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skill and takes some time, but.

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That really is like how,

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how we start shifting the paradigm when it

comes to the way we show up to business.

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And that's how we, yeah,

just get to create more of a

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reparative and a regenerative

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space in like the industry of coaching

and personal development and healing

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and whatever it is that you do.

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Like when you stop showing up to your

business from this energy of It like

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providing a paycheck and growing your,

your audience or whatever other kind

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of like superficial metric of success

that society kind of gives us as a

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download when we, when we unsubscribe

to those downloads and we actually

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tune into what would success actually

feel like for me and we go after it.

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That's when things start to

shift and that's when the reality

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becomes something new and when we talk

about like a new paradigm or the new earth

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like that's all it is that is just like

doing things differently and showing up

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to life and showing up to business and

showing up to the way you meet yourself

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and the way you you interact with your

your kids and your partner and Your

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relationship to money, all of those

things start to shift, and all of those

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things start to hopefully become more

easeful and less clunky, because there's

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just this, this cleaner energy to it.

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There's not conditions.

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You are just like, so firmly rooted.

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In, in a felt sense of safety of like

your sense of belonging and your like

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right to exist in the world, that

there's not these conditions of well,

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I can only do this if I do that.

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I can only launch this if

I have this certification.

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I can only have this many people

in my container if I have the

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right lead magnet and like a

perfect and polished sales page.

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Do you see where I'm going with that?

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Like, all of that is bullshit.

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And I think the sooner that we come

to realize it, and the sooner that

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we start to show up differently

the better the world is gonna be.

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And yeah.

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I think my point of this was just to

share the, the ongoing inner work, the

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inside out work that, that happens, right?

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It isn't a final destination.

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I was talking to someone about like

inner mastery and self mastery and how

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I'm so fed up with the word mastery

because mastery in itself feels like

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something that has like a completion,

something that you're conquering,

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something with a final outcome and

tending to our own inner world.

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Healing our own inner world

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has no There's no final

destination there, right?

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It is like a lifelong practice

and it's being in relationship.

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That's what it is.

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It's not inner mastery.

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It's like being in right

relationship with yourself.

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And yeah, that's really what my

whole body of work is all about.

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And this retreat that I'm

creating really is centered around

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Obviously, it's centered around tending

to our inner, inner world, but deeper

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than that, it's the deconditioning

and the untangling and the unmasking

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of, of layers that have been put on us

from societal conditions and systemic

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oppression and just the water we swim

in and how all of those things are

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keeping us from really tapping into

our, our purpose and our potential

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and being truly like in alignment.

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I know like all of those things are

kind of like buzzwords and I, I almost

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cringe saying them out loud, but

like it's this, it's the shedding of

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skins to really come home and reclaim

your, your true and natural essence.

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It's untaming your wildness and all the

parts of you that you've been suppressing.

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And it's that, like I said, attunement

to your body in such a lovingly,

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nonjudgmental, compassionate way.

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It's like full self acceptance of

Wow, I, I see this part of me that

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is feeling really uncomfortable in

not creating a sales page because

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everything around me is telling me

that I need a sales page and this is

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inviting me to really trust myself.

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It's, it's letting that, that fear

and that doubt actually have a seat

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and allowing that part to be there

and allowing yourself to like glean

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wisdom from that and create a felt

sense of safety for that part.

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It's recognizing when old stories you've

attached to aren't actually true anymore.

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This is such a silly example, but

like last week I, I wanted to get my

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eyebrows threaded and I kept telling

myself like, Oh, I don't have time.

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I don't have time because that's

always been the story, right?

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That's always been.

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the story.

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It's always felt like this added

thing on my to do list that only

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gets to happen when, I don't know,

a series of events magically unfold.

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And I caught myself.

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I'm like, wait a minute, I do have time.

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I'm just like choosing not

to use this time for that.

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And it just really widened my lens on

My own inner experience right now of

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like how, how quick we are to go back to

those old patterns and go back to those

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old stories and Not really give space to

actually check, like fact check that I'm

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literally like fact check your own your

own mind chatter and When you recognize it

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and you give awareness You have awareness

around it that gives you the opportunity

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to make a different choice and to disrupt

that pattern and so obviously like I

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Came to the conclusion of yeah, like

I get to I do have time I went got my

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eyebrows threaded and just got to sit in

this You This realization of this is the

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life I've created, this is all I've ever

wanted, is this sense of time freedom.

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And, again, kind of full circle moment

to the beginning of the conversation

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I'm really just trying to paint this

picture that even when we get to,

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quote unquote the final destination,

the thing that we wanted, these

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old stories, these old patterns,

these old conditions keep coming in.

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To just try to bring us back to something

more familiar because our nervous

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system is like literally its job is

just to be on the lookout for threats.

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And so it's constantly

scanning for threats.

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It's constantly scanning to see what feels

unsafe versus what is safe and anything

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unfamiliar rings the alarm bell as unsafe.

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So our jobs then get to be bringing

awareness to that and intentionally

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building capacity and creating a felt

sense of safety as we start doing

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these like new unfamiliar things.

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Anyways, this was all over the place.

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I hope there was something here for you.

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Yeah, I'm, I'm hosting a retreat.

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In January it's gonna be 12 weeks.

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It's all virtual.

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It's very unconventional as is

everything I do you don't need flights.

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You don't need accommodations and yeah,

i'm I'm, i'm really anchoring it into Just

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I don't even have the length.

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This is why there's no sales page because

I'm having such a hard time finding the

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language to express like the depths that

I want to Take us through in this retreat

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: 00:23:07

But the language I do have is really

around deconditioning and deconstructing

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: 00:23:13

and untaming ourselves in the sense of

actually, actually moving towards our

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: 00:23:22

wildest desires and tending to the parts

of us that have been protecting us or,

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: 00:23:29

or creating some sort of resistance.

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: 00:23:32

in actually getting there.

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: 00:23:34

So basically it's like

deconditioning work.

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: 00:23:38

But it's, it's specifically for women

who consider themselves like self led.

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: 00:23:43

They've already been doing

some deconditioning and

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: 00:23:45

then some untangling work.

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: 00:23:47

They have been on this like self

reclamation journey for lack of a

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: 00:23:50

better word, call it what you want.

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: 00:23:52

And they recognize that

like our, our outer world.

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: 00:23:56

simply is just a reflection

of our inner world.

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: 00:23:58

So instead of putting all of our energy

into the outer world stuff, like in

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: 00:24:03

the context of like business, like

the strategy, the website, the stupid

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: 00:24:07

sales page, why don't we actually put

our energy into our inner world and

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: 00:24:12

tend to all the things going on kind

of below ground because then the above

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: 00:24:17

ground stuff organically just shapes

itself and the energy needed to create

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: 00:24:26

and manifest things into like the 3D

world end up being so much easier.

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: 00:24:32

That's like a fucking

quantum leap, timeline jump,

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: 00:24:35

whatever you want to call it.

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: 00:24:36

And

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: 00:24:39

yeah, let's do it.

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: 00:24:40

Let's collapse timelines in your

business without actually digging

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: 00:24:45

heels into business strategy.