HOW TO FLY WHEN IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE FALLING (63)

Speaker: 00:00:45

Oh, hello there.

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It's been a hot minute since

I have recorded a podcast.

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I actually don't know

how many weeks it's been.

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There's been a lot of contraction and

expansion and I'm really excited to share

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some of that with you in this episode.

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: 00:01:01

And truthfully, I've also been feeling

a bit disconnected to the podcast.

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I was just reflecting on this before

I started hitting record and realized

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there's a part of me that has been,

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I guess, shaming or judging myself for

wanting more engagement and wanting

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more, visible metrics from the podcast

more people listening and conversions

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in the sense of listeners turning into

clients and whatever that might look like.

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But what I'm recognizing is the, the

desire for engagement and the desire

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for people that are listening to reach

out and share what landed for them

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from an episode they just listened to.

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Honestly, it's such an innate human need.

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And I'm gonna stop shaming myself

for wanting that, because the

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truth is I'm a human, and of

course I want that engagement.

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Because when I'm just sitting here

recording, It's really, really awkward and

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it, I don't know, I guess it takes a bit

of the pleasure out of it for me because

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I really have no idea who's listening.

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And I, yeah, just coming back

to that word of disconnect, like

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there's a disconnection because

I have no idea who's listening.

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And I also understand that that's kind of

the, the magic of podcasting too, right?

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Because these episodes, it's

long form content, it literally

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lives for ever and ever.

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And I never know when someone's listening.

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Someone might be listening to

an episode from a year ago.

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Right?

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Anyways, that's a bit of a tangent.

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I just wanted to name that

because there is that disconnect.

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And I also just want to name that.

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If you are listening,

I would love to know.

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I would love to know who's listening.

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I would love to know what

you love about this show.

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I would love to know what you'd like

me to talk more about or like what

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you enjoy hearing me talk about.

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Because yeah, sometimes it really

does feel like I'm talking to no one.

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Even though I know people are listening.

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Anyways, moving on.

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For this episode, I really

wanted to I guess just give

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language to my inner world.

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I feel like I try to do that quite

often, but I, I, I owe the listeners

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to the rewild and free podcast and

update, because like I said, it has

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been a couple of weeks since I've

been on here and there has been a

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lot that has happened since then.

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I should actually remind myself

what the last episode was because

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that's how disconnected I felt.

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Let's see.

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November 20th.

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My goodness.

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It's almost been a month.

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Oh, yeah.

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My last episode was the shadow

side of time freedom That

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was a good one Anyways, okay.

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Let's carry on.

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So oh boy.

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What have I been up to?

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a couple weeks ago Aubrey and I went

to visit Lauren and if you've been a

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Listener for a while of this show, you

know that I have a sub series with my

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friend Lauren called Musings and Magic.

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We unfortunately haven't been

able to record for a couple months

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now, but we keep talking about it.

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It's coming back, I promise.

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We will be recording very, very soon.

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Her and I met through a doula training

program over two years ago now, and

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we quickly became very, very good

online friends, and It literally

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took a whole two years before we

got to meet each other in person.

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And we met in the summer for a weekend

camping trip with both of our families.

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And so that was incredible.

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It was incredible to just

experience her energy and feel her

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in the flesh for the first time.

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And then obviously that just

deepened our friendship even more

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as we kind of expected it would.

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And so Aubrey and I went to go visit.

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Her and stay with her for a

couple nights a couple weeks back.

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So that was great as well I'm sure when

we do do an episode we can reflect on

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what that visit was like because It

also wasn't like lollipops and rainbows.

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There was actually a lot of I don't

know edges that we both met and kind

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of got to integrate in real time.

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So maybe i'll put a Plug on that and

we can talk about it next time Lauren

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and I are recording together So, yeah,

that was a couple weeks ago and that

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kind of I don't know, there's a lot

of anxiety for me leading up to that

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trip because I've never traveled alone.

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And I know I wasn't alone, I was with

my daughter, who's three, but that

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really just perpetuated the anxiety,

or heightened it, I should say.

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Because I yeah, it's not I'm, I'm

not, I don't get anxious about flying

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or traveling or anything like that,

but I do get anxious solo parenting.

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And so, just kind of bracing myself and

preparing myself for Any of the challenges

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that might come while solo parenting

in an airport and on an airplane.

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And thankfully, things actually

worked out really well.

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It was actually really good.

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Aubrey did amazing.

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She's traveled before.

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We've gone on plane rides before.

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So that wasn't new.

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That was very exciting for her.

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But why I'm sharing that is because

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the anxiety leading up to that

was energetically consuming,

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to say the least, and then when

we came back Aubrey was sick.

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And then I got sick and I'm

gonna get into that more.

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But yeah, actually maybe

I'll just go there.

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So, yeah, the past week or so,

I have been really, really sick.

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I ended up getting a really

intense sinus infection.

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It started out as just like a head cold.

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And I thought, okay, like

I'll just do all the usual.

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natural kind of things I do to support

myself when I have a head cold and

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when I have intense sinus congestion.

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And this all started on,

I think, a Wednesday.

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Yeah, it was the Wednesday after we

got back from our trip to see Lauren.

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And, like I said, I thought it was just

a head cold, did all the usual things.

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It felt like it was improving on the

weekend, so, three, four days had

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passed, it felt like it was improving.

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And then the day after that, Sunday

evening, it started to feel intense

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again, and I was starting to

experience pain in my teeth and my jaw.

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And I have experienced that

before with sinus, with sinus

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pain and pressure and congestion.

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So I wasn't overly

concerned at that moment.

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But it just kept intensifying,

it just kept getting worse.

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And the fact that it felt like it was

getting better and then it got worse

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again was kind of a alarm signal for

me that maybe it wasn't just a viral

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infection and it was actually bacterial.

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So long story short on the Tuesday,

so a couple days as the intensity

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continued to progress I, oh my god,

this, this was literally just last

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week, so last Tuesday I was crippled

with self doubt and indecision.

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It was such a hard decision

for me to go to the doctor and

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potentially get antibiotics.

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And I want to talk a little bit about

that because that entire experience

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ended up being Such a beautiful

initiation and opportunity to just

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glean some wisdom and kind of Yeah,

learn something about myself from that.

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So what I recognized is Since I've kind

of been on this more naturally minded

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health conscious journey, which has been,

I don't know, maybe five or six years now.

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And obviously, since I've left the

mainstream health, Western medicine

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industry, in the sense of quitting my

nursing job, I've really kind of swung

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on this pendulum swing of resisting

and almost fearing more mainstream

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medicine to the point where I wasn't

even allowing myself to take any pain

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relievers, like Advil or Tylenol.

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I wasn't taking any decongestants

very intentionally because I'm still

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breastfeeding, so there was that.

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But there was also this layer of I

don't actually want to take any pills.

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I, I, I just want it to be very natural.

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And, so, on the Tuesday when I knew

that it was likely bacterial, and

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There was, like, this inner knowing

that my body needed extra support.

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There was still a part of me that was

met with so much friction and resistance.

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And, yeah, I recognize now

that there was a lot of fear in

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potentially taking medications.

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But there was also this

identity crisis, I guess.

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I was clinging on to this identity of

being Natural and being naturally minded

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and being holistic and whatever other

label you want to throw on, on there.

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And so for me, it was actually an

invitation for this ego death to

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happen to kind of remind myself that,

wait, that doesn't actually make or

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shape or define my identity going to

get a prescription for antibiotics.

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And also just this.

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this invitation to lean into this

inner knowing that I was experiencing,

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then I needed extra support.

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And that, that extra support in

that instance looked like, Getting a

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prescription and going to see a doctor and

allowing myself to receive that support.

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That was really like the, the mountain

I was climbing was being so resistant to

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receiving support and wanting to handle

it on my own and It was teetering into

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this hyper independence, and I'm gonna

get into this because it's a beautiful

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metaphor for what we do in business.

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But it was, like, this, this hyper

independence of I don't want any help,

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I don't want anything in my system, I

want my body to handle this naturally

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and on its own and yeah, just wanting

really to promote, kind of, that, that

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internal healing system that we all

have within us, and that's beautiful.

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To a certain degree, but on Tuesday,

what was happening is I was suffering.

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I literally couldn't eat.

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Oh, I forgot to mention that on

top of the the jaw and teeth pain,

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the left side of my face was also

starting to feel tingly and numb.

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So there was a whole whack

of discomfort going on.

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But there was also this, this

very real and raw moment of

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feeling like I was suffering.

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I couldn't actually handle this

anymore, and it was interrupting my

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ability to eat, it was interrupting

my ability to sleep and to rest, and

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under all of that, there was also this

inner knowing that I think this is

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bacterial and I need extra support.

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So , Tuesday was really,

really challenging.

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It literally took me I think four or five

hours to leave my house and get myself

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to go drive to the doctor's office.

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And then funny enough, once I got to the

doctor's office, the parking lot was full.

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So I told myself this story I

was going to a walk in clinic,

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so I didn't have an appointment.

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So I told myself this story, that if

the parking lot's so full, it must be

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really, really busy, and I don't want

to wait, so this is a sign, I should

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just go home, I shouldn't be here.

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And I circled the parking lot a

couple times, and talked myself

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back into it No, Nicole, you're

going, you're going, you're going.

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Under underlying all of this, I also

could recognize that there was a part of

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me that really just wanted To be saved.

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I wanted someone to tell me what to do.

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And I remember I was messaging My

current mentors that I have right now

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because they know I'm in the middle of

a launch, and I was just sharing with

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them that like, I feel like I'm not

able to pour into my business right

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now, like I'm so sick, I just need to

tend to my body, and blah blah blah

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blah blah, which is all very very true.

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But, I don't exactly remember what

I said, but there was a part of me

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showing up in those conversations,

wanting them to, Validate and tell

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me, yeah, Nicole, you need to go

to the doctor and get antibiotics.

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I desperately just wanted

someone to tell me to go do that.

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And nobody was.

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Nobody was.

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Everything being thrown back to

me and reflected back to me was

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like, you know your body best.

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You'll, you'll know what to do.

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You can't make the wrong decision.

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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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And in that moment, it was

really, really annoying to hear.

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And also exactly what I needed to hear.

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So when I got to the parking lot, it felt

like a sign that I, I, I shouldn't be

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there, and I thankfully saw past that,

and, and parked anyways, and walked in,

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and sure enough, as soon as I walked in,

the waiting room was completely empty.

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I was literally the only one there.

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So, this was just a reminder and evidence

that we attach to these stories in our

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head that may or may not be true, right?

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If I would have listened to that

story that said that, oh, the parking

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lot's full, that must mean that it's

really busy and there's going to be

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a long wait and I don't want to wait.

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If I would have listened to that,

I wouldn't have actually gone in.

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And so, yeah, go in,

check in, see a doctor.

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I was literally in and

out under 45 minutes.

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And the doctor agreed that it

might be bacterial and that

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I might need antibiotics.

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And she offered me many options.

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She offered me a prescription.

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But even the doctor wouldn't

tell me exactly what to do.

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She, she really

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maintained my own autonomy and

sovereignty, which was a beautiful

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experience that I didn't realize I needed

because I've, I've lost so much trust

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in Our healthcare system, and so that

was just a beautiful, again, piece of

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evidence to remind me that no, there

actually are, like, good doctors, and

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they're not just there to push pills, and

yeah, this one truly gave me options, and

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literally said I'm gonna give you this

prescription, but you can wait a couple

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days to see how your body's feeling you

don't need this right now, again, you

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know yourself best, you get to decide,

And I'm sharing all of this because,

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obviously, long story short, I did go get

the antibiotics and I've, I've finished

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my course and I'm feeling way better now.

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But the metaphor here is this,

this desire to want to be saved

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and this desire to want to have all

the answers and this desire to have

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someone literally just reach out

and give us the next step, right?

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In those moments of desperation, in

those moments of feeling like things

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aren't working and you're just in so

much discomfort to the point where It

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almost feels like you're suffering,

and obviously suffering is relative,

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and suffering, there's nuance there,

but metaphorically in business, we have

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probably all experienced this, like I

know I have, where it's oh my god, like

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I just need somebody to tell me what to

do, I just need One more course that's

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going to change everything for me.

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Like I just need to sign up for that one

last workshop and that's going to give me

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the secret code that I've been missing.

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And we also know that

that's not true, right?

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We know that.

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We know that's not true.

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But we also know that.

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continuously keep falling

into these cycles.

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And I get why, because it's really,

really uncomfortable to hold on to our

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own sense of self and our own self trust

and our own autonomy in those moments.

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It's really, really uncomfortable to,

to trust ourselves when we don't have

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anything to promise what the

outcome is going to be, right?

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And this is really teetering into a

desire for a sense of control, but it's

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also teetering into like lack of self

trust and also through the lens of the

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nervous system, it's showing us that

there's this perceived sense of unsafety.

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It's like a perceived threat

if we stand out or do something

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that hasn't been done before.

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Because not that long ago, if we

did stand out, and if we did kind

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of, be an outlier to our tribe,

that literally was life or death.

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That literally meant that

we might not survive.

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So there's this very visceral Somatic

body experience where the nervous system

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wants to feel safe by being in, I mean,

it's about being in community, but what

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this looks like is like not feeling safe

to stand out and standing out can look

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like not following proven frameworks

and strategies, standing out can look

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like trusting your own intuition,

trust your To go do something that you

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haven't seen being done before, right?

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And we're talking about

business and marketing here.

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So this, this showed up for me in

such divine timing as these things

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always do, because I'm also in

the middle of launching a virtual

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retreat that I'm hosting in January.

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And so I've been kind of teasing

this out on my email list,

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which has been really fun.

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But now it's time to officially

birth this thing into the world.

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And I needed to have that really intense

sinus infection to do this final purge

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and release of all the things that

aren't for me as I come into this launch.

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And that piece around reclaiming, not even

reclaiming, because I feel like I've done

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the reclamation part, but now it's that

self trust piece around my own, Autonomy

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and sovereignty and like doing things for

me, not because it's expected of me from

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someone else and really releasing those

shoulds and those those expectations.

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I needed that experience

to move into this launch.

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, the other thing that really came

through from that experience is.

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What happens when are taking that leap

of trusting ourselves and doing something

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that feels unfamiliar or threatening to

our nervous system or feels uncertain?

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Really, that's what it is,

is this uncertainty, right?

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And there's so much

discomfort in uncertainty.

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But it's like when we're, we're taking

a big leap, we're taking a big jump, and

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obviously there's risk involved with that

because we don't know if we're gonna land.

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And what ends up happening is we have

to take that leap and we have to have

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those micro moments that feel like

an eternity of falling to and prove

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to ourselves that we can fly, right?

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That's where the flying happens.

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And that's when we actually start

making the moves that we want to

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see in our business and in our life.

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: 00:19:06

But I really just keep landing in that

visual, right, of taking this big leap

299

: 00:19:11

and having this This really scary moment.

300

: 00:19:14

That feels like you're falling and

you desperately want to be saved.

301

: 00:19:18

You desperately want someone to catch

you But it's in that micro moment that

302

: 00:19:22

you get to pull yourself back up and

you get to hold yourself and that's

303

: 00:19:26

where this beautiful Opportunity to

build self trust and build that evidence

304

: 00:19:31

of whoa, I actually do have myself.

305

: 00:19:33

I got my back I can trust myself.

306

: 00:19:35

I can trust my intuition.

307

: 00:19:36

I can trust blah blah blah,

whatever it is, right?

308

: 00:19:39

Another visual that keeps Becoming

really loud in my conscious is this,

309

: 00:19:48

I'm going to try to describe it.

310

: 00:19:49

And it's funny cause I've tried to

draw it and it didn't work at all.

311

: 00:19:53

But I keep having this visual of

this person standing on like the

312

: 00:19:58

edge of a cliff and on the other

side of the, the, the cliff is

313

: 00:20:05

like another mountain top, that.

314

: 00:20:09

This person wants to take a leap

to and it's a little bit higher.

315

: 00:20:14

It feels out of reach They are

again crippled with self doubt.

316

: 00:20:18

They feel like they can't do it.

317

: 00:20:19

There's a lot of fear They're playing

small at this point like oh, I don't

318

: 00:20:23

think I'm gonna do it There's so much self

doubt that they're basically paralyzed.

319

: 00:20:26

That's what it is.

320

: 00:20:27

Is there they're paralyzed with fear and

indecision And My dogs are playing in

321

: 00:20:32

the background, I don't know if you can

hear that but in this visual, what, what

322

: 00:20:37

organically happens is this person is

actually trapped and like suffocating

323

: 00:20:44

in this skin, in this, this layer that

metaphorically is like the societal model.

324

: 00:20:51

Conditioning and constructs and

expectations that so many of us

325

: 00:20:54

have kind of layered on to us.

326

: 00:20:56

It's these masks that we've put on

to try to fit in and to be pretty

327

: 00:21:01

perfect and pleasing and to maintain

approval and reputation and whatever

328

: 00:21:07

that is and it's literally suffocating

us and when this person removes that

329

: 00:21:12

skin removes these masks, they're

literally like double or triple in size.

330

: 00:21:18

That's how suffocated they were.

331

: 00:21:19

That's how, how small these, these layers,

these societal imprints were making them.

332

: 00:21:27

So small that they felt like

they couldn't take that leap.

333

: 00:21:30

And so when they removed that skin,

like I said, they were like, they're

334

: 00:21:33

now like two or three times the

size and taking that, taking that

335

: 00:21:37

leap isn't even a leap anymore.

336

: 00:21:39

It's literally just a leap.

337

: 00:21:40

A natural step and it's so easy

and that is what the retreat

338

: 00:21:47

in January is all about.

339

: 00:21:49

It's literally coming undone from

that skin so we can become our most

340

: 00:21:55

true and potent self and really start

going after the things we want, the

341

: 00:22:01

things that used to feel impossible,

the things that used to feel just a

342

: 00:22:05

little out of reach, the things that we

used to think we needed something else

343

: 00:22:09

to get there, we can do it on our own.

344

: 00:22:12

Ooh, I have full body chills.

345

: 00:22:14

, I keep coming back to that visual.

346

: 00:22:15

And I'm gonna try harder to

try to make a visual of it.

347

: 00:22:19

. But, yeah, this retreat,

it's called Undone.

348

: 00:22:22

And I'm inviting you to it

if you're listening to this.

349

: 00:22:25

It is gonna be three months long.

350

: 00:22:26

It's all virtual, completely,

Unconventional, right?

351

: 00:22:29

It's not a retreat where you just fuck

off for the weekend and are completely

352

: 00:22:33

disassociated from real life and

you have to come back and integrate.

353

: 00:22:38

It's intentionally three months long,

so that integration is built in.

354

: 00:22:42

I'm really excited to guide the

women inside to just finding

355

: 00:22:50

a deeper sense of themselves.

356

: 00:22:52

We talk about trying to

become something, right?

357

: 00:22:55

We're trying to become the next version

of ourselves, or whatever that is.

358

: 00:22:59

We're trying to become our higher self,

359

: 00:23:00

and the thing is, it's not

actually about becoming.

360

: 00:23:04

It's about Unbecoming, or at least the

unbecoming has to happen first, right?

361

: 00:23:09

So we need to come undone and begin

liberating ourselves from, like,

362

: 00:23:13

all of those societal shoulds.

363

: 00:23:15

All the things that we've been

holding onto like the self censorship

364

: 00:23:19

that creeps in when you're about to

create content or write an email.

365

: 00:23:24

Or like all of the masks that you've

put on that you have now outgrown and no

366

: 00:23:30

longer fit and they just don't feel like

you anymore, but you're still wearing

367

: 00:23:34

them because it's all you ever know and

you're scared of what people are going

368

: 00:23:39

to think if you remove that mask, right?

369

: 00:23:41

It's time to remove the mask.

370

: 00:23:42

It's time.

371

: 00:23:43

It's time.

372

: 00:23:44

Because we can't actually be seen as

thought leaders and visionaries and

373

: 00:23:50

Culture disruptors if you are just

blending in with everyone, right?

374

: 00:23:54

So you have to remove that mask, you have

to stop censoring yourself so that you're

375

: 00:23:59

actually seen for your, your weirdness

and your, you know, Your magical wisdom

376

: 00:24:05

and all the things that make you you

and like that uniqueness and like I said

377

: 00:24:10

before like our nervous systems kind of

flag that as unsafe because for a long,

378

: 00:24:17

long time, it wasn't safe to be unique.

379

: 00:24:20

It wasn't safe to stand out, but we're

not being chased by bears anymore, right?

380

: 00:24:25

Like we, we can stand out

and that's actually Where the

381

: 00:24:30

collective healing happens, right?

382

: 00:24:34

Yeah.

383

: 00:24:35

Mmm.

384

: 00:24:37

Another thing I keep thinking about

is, I know myself and other people

385

: 00:24:42

in my community we have this deep,

deep desire to change the world.

386

: 00:24:48

And it can kind of roll off the tip

of your tongue so easily, but when

387

: 00:24:53

you sit with it, it's oh shit, that's

actually There's a lot of pressure there.

388

: 00:24:56

There's a lot of weight.

389

: 00:24:56

I don't actually think

I can change the world.

390

: 00:24:59

And, it's true.

391

: 00:25:00

There is a lot of weight to that.

392

: 00:25:02

But it gets to be so simple

and so easy when all we have

393

: 00:25:07

to do is change ourselves.

394

: 00:25:08

Right?

395

: 00:25:09

In order to lead a revolution, the

revolution has to start from within.

396

: 00:25:15

So that's where we're going.

397

: 00:25:16

In the retreat.

398

: 00:25:17

It's, yeah, it's I'm obviously gonna leave

links in the show notes for more details.

399

: 00:25:23

But I wanted to start

talking about it here.

400

: 00:25:26

Another piece of this is I've been

noticing my own shadows coming up as

401

: 00:25:30

I've been gestating and getting ready

to birth and launch this retreat.

402

: 00:25:37

And of course that always happens.

403

: 00:25:38

Every time I am creating a new offer,

it really initiates me into a new level.

404

: 00:25:45

I'm actually really, really grateful for

that, and I see it as it's just something

405

: 00:25:49

that I really welcome and lean into now.

406

: 00:25:52

But the shadow that's been

involved has really been loud

407

: 00:25:56

in the way I show up online.

408

: 00:25:58

There's been a lot of inner mind chatter.

409

: 00:26:03

And sneaky perfectionism coming in,

where it's literally like blocking me, I

410

: 00:26:11

shouldn't say block, clog, clog's a better

word, it's clogging me, it's clogging my

411

: 00:26:15

channel, in how I show up online to the

point where I just don't and I've really

412

: 00:26:21

had to remind myself that it gets to be

easy, and that I get to do this my way.

413

: 00:26:27

That has really been, like, my medicine

and my mantra moving forward with

414

: 00:26:30

this, is like, it gets to be easy,

literally so easy that it feels like

415

: 00:26:35

I'm cheating, and that cheating piece

has been really, really profound for

416

: 00:26:40

me because it's something that I realize

I've been, oh, I need to backtrack here.

417

: 00:26:46

So for me, there's been this through line

in my life where I believe that I'm only

418

: 00:26:53

worthy of success if I work hard for it.

419

: 00:26:56

And I'm sure you can probably relate

to that in some degree, right?

420

: 00:26:59

Because many of us have been conditioned

to think that, that we are only

421

: 00:27:02

worthy of success if we work hard.

422

: 00:27:04

That success is must come with sacrifice.

423

: 00:27:07

And so for me, when things are easy,

there's a part of me that starts

424

: 00:27:12

to think, oh, I'm not worthy of.

425

: 00:27:14

Success in this moment.

426

: 00:27:16

Like I didn't work hard enough for

this and it feels like I'm cheating.

427

: 00:27:20

And so I've really had to lean into

that deeper and again, kind of like

428

: 00:27:26

titrate and expand my nervous system

to build the evidence and safety around

429

: 00:27:32

like it gets to be easy and allow

success to come to me and when I'm not

430

: 00:27:39

sacrificing and extracting from myself.

431

: 00:27:42

And so, I think that was another

lesson from this last bout of sickness,

432

: 00:27:47

and you need to go on antibiotics.

433

: 00:27:49

Because again, I think there was a

part of me that felt like leaning on

434

: 00:27:55

Medicine was cheating.

435

: 00:27:58

My body couldn't do it on its own, so

it needed to lean on something else,

436

: 00:28:02

and I, I rationalized that as cheating.

437

: 00:28:06

And I know it's obviously not that

black and white, and you might be

438

: 00:28:08

listening to this thinking like,

Nicole, that's not cheating at all.

439

: 00:28:11

But there's a part of

me that feels that way.

440

: 00:28:13

And that shows up in

my business too, right?

441

: 00:28:15

Like not, Not allowing things to be

easy because there's this deep part of

442

: 00:28:20

me that thinks things have to be hard.

443

: 00:28:22

And so the way I've been kind of moving

through that in integrating and healing

444

: 00:28:27

that part of me is Obviously like that

mantra and really reminding myself to

445

: 00:28:32

let things be easy and move at my own

pace but also allowing like external

446

: 00:28:36

supports to come in so I have really

beefed up my My external support system.

447

: 00:28:42

I'm working with two different mentors

one on one right now that have been so

448

: 00:28:47

so Pivotal in my own Inner healing in the

last like month or so and that's obviously

449

: 00:28:55

been huge in this catalyst of birthing

this retreat But also as I'm now launching

450

: 00:29:01

again leaning into their supports and

allowing them to actually be there to hold

451

: 00:29:06

me Because I think like for so many of us.

452

: 00:29:09

There's this collective wound of

of Hyper individualism, and we've

453

: 00:29:15

literally been stuck in survival by

being super self sufficient, and this

454

: 00:29:23

starts at such a young age, right?

455

: 00:29:25

And I don't need to go into this, because

we could get really nerdy about the

456

: 00:29:28

nervous system here, but I'm not going to.

457

: 00:29:30

The point of it is, is We are so worthy

of receiving support in all aspects of

458

: 00:29:34

life, but like our businesses, especially

because again, I think for many of us

459

: 00:29:39

that have left the corporate world,

or like in my case, like my nursing

460

: 00:29:44

career, moving away from being an

employee to now being an entrepreneur

461

: 00:29:50

and like essentially Your own boss and

getting to to just make your own rules.

462

: 00:29:56

There's so much Discomfort in that even

if we're not conscious of that discomfort

463

: 00:30:03

It's this there's there's discomfort

because it's new and it's unfamiliar and

464

: 00:30:07

it's it's a new growth edge that we have

to meet And i've shared this online on

465

: 00:30:13

social media, but like I see so many times

where entrepreneurs are like, oh, well, I

466

: 00:30:18

can't actually slow down in my business or

I can't like move to just like X amount of

467

: 00:30:25

clients per month or I like can't charge

more or whatever is the like I can't

468

: 00:30:29

story is then followed by the condition

of until like I've scaled or until I

469

: 00:30:37

Make this much money or until I have this

many followers or whatever it is or until

470

: 00:30:42

I have this certification like there's

this condition that We keep putting on

471

: 00:30:47

ourselves before we can have the thing we

want And I just want to stop that right

472

: 00:30:52

now because that is such a disservice to

us and the collective and the community

473

: 00:30:57

we serve like we are so worthy and

Equipped right now to go do the thing that

474

: 00:31:04

we want to do There are no conditions.

475

: 00:31:06

Those conditions are made up.

476

: 00:31:08

You've created those

conditions for yourself.

477

: 00:31:10

They're not real.

478

: 00:31:11

They're literally just excuses.

479

: 00:31:14

Again, this is often subconscious.

480

: 00:31:16

You're not even aware

that these are excuses.

481

: 00:31:18

But these are excuses to keep you

small and in your comfort zone.

482

: 00:31:21

So coming back to that visual of

this person, on the edge of a cliff,

483

: 00:31:25

ready to take this jump or this

leap, and it feels so big, it feels

484

: 00:31:30

like there's a lot of risk involved.

485

: 00:31:31

It's because they're

keeping themselves small.

486

: 00:31:33

And so when we remove those learnt

limitations, those masks, those, those

487

: 00:31:39

layers that we've outgrown, or maybe

that we never even consented to having,

488

: 00:31:44

All of a sudden, our, our desires

and the thing we're going after next

489

: 00:31:49

don't seem so impossible anymore.

490

: 00:31:51

And we can then remove the

conditions we've been putting

491

: 00:31:53

on ourselves to go after them.

492

: 00:31:56

And so, yeah, what I was about to say is

so many entrepreneurs have this condition

493

: 00:31:59

around well, I can't actually slow down

or I can't experience or prioritize rest

494

: 00:32:04

and pleasure in my business until, until

I've scaled, until I have this much money,

495

: 00:32:09

until I have a team and like a VA and a

copywriter, whatever it is for you, right?

496

: 00:32:15

And it's just so, so untrue.

497

: 00:32:16

Like you need to start and

build your business the way

498

: 00:32:20

you want to see it scaled.

499

: 00:32:22

Right, I want to say that again.

500

: 00:32:23

You need to start or build your business

the way you want to see it scaled.

501

: 00:32:28

This is a big part of what I want

to get into inside Undone is, is

502

: 00:32:33

breaking free from those learnt

limitations, breaking free from

503

: 00:32:36

those like self created conditions

that we're putting on ourselves.

504

: 00:32:40

Another big one is I can't do whatever

it is until my kids are grown up.

505

: 00:32:44

No, you can, you can do it right now.

506

: 00:32:46

Like that seed has been planted

on your heart, because It's

507

: 00:32:49

time for you now, right?

508

: 00:32:52

And that, that, that little whisper

in your heart isn't going to shut up.

509

: 00:32:57

It's just going to get

louder and louder and louder.

510

: 00:32:58

So start working with it.

511

: 00:32:59

Start watering that seed,

start nourishing that seed.

512

: 00:33:02

And that doesn't necessarily mean

going quote unquote, like all in.

513

: 00:33:06

I know I've had conversations with past

clients turned friends where they're

514

: 00:33:09

like, Oh, well, like I can't go on in my

business because It would be financially

515

: 00:33:14

irresponsible to quit my my day job.

516

: 00:33:17

And I just wanna, offer a reframe on

that too, where your definition of all

517

: 00:33:23

in gets to be defined by you, right?

518

: 00:33:26

That is so unique and there's so much

nuance there that your, your definition

519

: 00:33:30

of going all in simply just is like your

devotion and commitment to your goal.

520

: 00:33:38

That doesn't necessarily

mean quitting the job.

521

: 00:33:41

Yeah, okay.

522

: 00:33:43

I feel like I got a little

like fiery there and then

523

: 00:33:48

Forgot what else I wanted to say.

524

: 00:33:50

Let's go back to what

my life has been like.

525

: 00:33:52

So yeah, I shared I've been sick.

526

: 00:33:54

I also hosted a workshop this

past week called Radically Enough.

527

: 00:33:58

I will leave links for that in

the show notes if you want to

528

: 00:34:00

purchase access to the replay.

529

: 00:34:03

It was incredible.

530

: 00:34:04

Ended up being two hours long.

531

: 00:34:06

My intention with that workshop was

really to begin pulling on the threads

532

: 00:34:11

of in the context of the way we show up

to our business and our life and like

533

: 00:34:20

the pace in which we move in the world.

534

: 00:34:22

I think not enoughness often shows up

in like productivity and performance

535

: 00:34:27

and measuring our, sense of self

worth based off of how much we get

536

: 00:34:34

done and like what we've achieved.

537

: 00:34:37

And so, that workshop we get into

what that actually looks like in

538

: 00:34:41

our life and like what What's,

what's actually beneath all that?

539

: 00:34:47

And I mean obviously I don't want to give

it all away because it's in the workshop.

540

: 00:34:50

But beneath all that really is

this theme and this through line of

541

: 00:34:57

self betrayal and self abandonment.

542

: 00:35:01

And I know those words kind of

feel really harsh and heavy.

543

: 00:35:05

But, but truly, like if it's,

if, if you're not Loving and

544

: 00:35:11

accepting and showing yourself

compassion for all that you are now.

545

: 00:35:16

And you're limiting yourself and

measuring yourself based off these

546

: 00:35:20

external things that aren't even real.

547

: 00:35:24

That is a form of self

abandonment and self betrayal.

548

: 00:35:28

We really went into this theme of

productivity and like how that shows up as

549

: 00:35:33

in business, like needing to create more

content or measuring your, your success,

550

: 00:35:39

or I shouldn't even say measuring your

success, but like when something, when

551

: 00:35:42

a launch doesn't go great, for example,

or it's not, it's not It's not going as

552

: 00:35:47

well as you thought I feel like for a lot

of women that the inclination is to just

553

: 00:35:51

do more The inclination is oh, well, I

needed I Didn't send enough emails or like

554

: 00:35:56

I need to create more content or I need

another coach or whatever it is, right?

555

: 00:36:00

It's again this like external

Need for something outside of

556

: 00:36:05

yourself or this internal false

sense of motivation to do more.

557

: 00:36:13

And that's actually like a fight

response from our nervous system.

558

: 00:36:16

We , pulled on that thread a little

bit deeper, and looked at where this

559

: 00:36:20

theme of like hustle culture is showing

up, and how the antidote to hustle

560

: 00:36:24

culture is actually Rest, and I don't

necessarily mean rest in the literal

561

: 00:36:28

sense, although obviously that, that is

it, but I don't need to tell you what that

562

: 00:36:32

looks like, but in the non literal sense

of like, where can we actually create

563

: 00:36:38

these sacred micro pauses in our life?

564

: 00:36:41

Where can we Have these like micro micro

micro rest for macro change is what I

565

: 00:36:47

called it in the workshop where where

can we have these moments for pause and

566

: 00:36:52

spaciousness so that we can have a clear

channel and we can really really like land

567

: 00:36:58

in a sense of safety and belonging and

connection and presence for our nervous

568

: 00:37:02

systems because that frequency is felt so

not only does it make our marketing more

569

: 00:37:07

magnetic when we show up online to you.

570

: 00:37:10

Create content or sell something,

but it's also making us a more

571

: 00:37:15

patient and receptive mother.

572

: 00:37:17

It's making us a, quote

unquote better wife, right?

573

: 00:37:21

We're probably less demanding

and annoyed with our spouse.

574

: 00:37:26

We're better communicators.

575

: 00:37:28

We just have a widened Capacity

for more nuance, right?

576

: 00:37:34

Things aren't as like

black and white anymore.

577

: 00:37:37

And as soon as we move back

into that like hustle state that

578

: 00:37:40

frequency of Overcommitting and

overperforming and over whatever it is.

579

: 00:37:46

That's like a hyper arousal

state for our nervous system.

580

: 00:37:50

It can also be a hypo arousal.

581

: 00:37:52

It can be the opposite side where

we're procrastinating or dissociating,

582

: 00:37:56

but often it shows up as this

like over over overanalyzing,

583

: 00:38:01

overperforming, overcommitting.

584

: 00:38:03

And when we're in that

state, our nervous systems.

585

: 00:38:07

Again, there's that felt frequency,

and so we are more irritable, we are

586

: 00:38:11

less patient, we are snappy with our

kids, we're in a fight response when

587

: 00:38:16

we're showing up online, trying to

essentially, again, subconsciously

588

: 00:38:20

convince and manipulate our community

to do buy from us, and there's

589

: 00:38:26

this like sense of desperation that

again, it's often subconscious.

590

: 00:38:31

It's subconscious for the person

receiving your, your marketing as

591

: 00:38:35

well, but there's something, there's

this, there's this dissonance, right?

592

: 00:38:39

There's, the, the resonance isn't there.

593

: 00:38:42

Again, this is what the workshop's about.

594

: 00:38:44

So if you're interested in all that,

I'm gonna link that in the show notes.

595

: 00:38:47

And then this workshop truly is a

sample of the kind of conversations,

596

: 00:38:52

the kind of workshops I'm gonna be

hosting inside Undone the Retreat.

597

: 00:38:57

So, yeah, you know what?

598

: 00:38:58

I'm gonna leave it at that because Aubrey

and Dylan went swimming this afternoon

599

: 00:39:02

and they're gonna be home any minute.

600

: 00:39:04

So, And, oh, the other thing I wanted to

share, and I started talking about this,

601

: 00:39:07

where there's been lots of shadow coming

up, and how I'm showing up online, and

602

: 00:39:12

some resistance, or clogs in my channel,

where I, I have this clarity, and this

603

: 00:39:20

brief moment of confidence, of yeah, okay,

that's what I want to go share right now.

604

: 00:39:23

And then it's literally

as soon as I open my eyes.

605

: 00:39:26

I'm like flooded by all of the,

I don't even know what it is.

606

: 00:39:31

I don't even know if I have the

language for it yet, but I'm catching

607

: 00:39:34

it and I'm getting to rewire and

rework my nervous system to really,

608

: 00:39:39

again, meet and expand that growth

edge to go, show up anyways and remind

609

: 00:39:43

myself that I get to do it my way.

610

: 00:39:45

And so where this has been showing

up is I've had a lot of resistance

611

: 00:39:49

to creating a sales page for this.

612

: 00:39:51

I think part of it was wanting to embody

what being undone, coming undone in

613

: 00:39:57

your business can look like, right?

614

: 00:39:58

But that in itself was almost coming

from this need to prove, I want

615

: 00:40:03

to prove to you that you can sell

something and make thousands of dollars

616

: 00:40:08

from not having a formal sales page.

617

: 00:40:11

Thing is, is I already know that's

true, because I've done it before.

618

: 00:40:14

I've sold my mastermind last year,

all from a Google Doc, and my stories.

619

: 00:40:19

So I know that's true.

620

: 00:40:20

I don't need to prove that

to myself, or to anyone else.

621

: 00:40:23

What was actually coming up is this, this

sneaky flavor of perfectionism, I think.

622

: 00:40:30

Of not wanting to, I don't even know,

it's not really about Saying the

623

: 00:40:36

wrong thing or being misunderstood,

but just like this, I don't know.

624

: 00:40:40

I think, oh, you know what?

625

: 00:40:42

There, there was a level of like

feeling like a sales page felt more

626

: 00:40:46

permanent, but what was actually

behind that is I use Squarespace

627

: 00:40:49

for my website and I don't love it.

628

: 00:40:54

I don't love doing that kind

of stuff in my business.

629

: 00:40:57

I don't love creating pages on my website.

630

: 00:40:59

I don't like editing my website.

631

: 00:41:00

I don't like playing around on Canva.

632

: 00:41:02

I don't like doing things with graphics

and colors and fonts and all of that.

633

: 00:41:06

So I was attached to this story

that creating a sales page was

634

: 00:41:09

going to be really, really hard.

635

: 00:41:11

And because I've really been anchored

and rooted into let this be easy,

636

: 00:41:15

it gets to feel like I'm cheating.

637

: 00:41:17

I've told myself that, okay, well then

no sales page because that's not easy.

638

: 00:41:21

And what I ended up doing

was I created a short video.

639

: 00:41:25

Again, all of these links will be

there, so you'll get to see it.

640

: 00:41:28

I created a video and within that video

or underneath that video I have, A bit

641

: 00:41:33

of copy and then a link to a Google Doc.

642

: 00:41:35

And so all of the copy that

would potentially be on the

643

: 00:41:38

sales page was living there.

644

: 00:41:40

And it was almost like it had to sit

there and simmer and land for a couple of

645

: 00:41:44

weeks before I was ready to formalize it.

646

: 00:41:47

And this afternoon all of a sudden it just

felt so easy to go put it in a sales page.

647

: 00:41:52

Literally I just, I just did it.

648

: 00:41:54

I had the copy already, and I

have other pages on Squarespace,

649

: 00:41:57

so I just got to clone those

pages and plop, plop the copy in.

650

: 00:42:01

It wasn't hard at all.

651

: 00:42:02

And it's just, again, this reminder

and this piece of evidence that we

652

: 00:42:06

can be quick to attach these stories,

and those stories end up being

653

: 00:42:10

these limitations that we create

for ourself, these conditions, these

654

: 00:42:14

wedges that we put between ourselves

and the thing we're going after.

655

: 00:42:18

Or again, this visual of being confined

and squashed and smothered into this skin

656

: 00:42:24

that doesn't actually fit you anymore.

657

: 00:42:26

And when you remove that skin, all of

a sudden you're Way bigger, and you

658

: 00:42:30

take up more space, and you're fully

expressed, and the things that you want

659

: 00:42:33

to do don't feel impossible anymore.

660

: 00:42:35

Okay.

661

: 00:42:37

Aubrey and Dylan are home.

662

: 00:42:38

I'm gonna leave it at that.

663

: 00:42:39

Links are in the show notes.

664

: 00:42:40

I have more podcast episodes planned

in the coming weeks, so stay tuned.