34. FEMININE EMBODIED MARKETING: 5 WAYS TO STOP SELLING LIKE YOU HAVE A DICK

Nicole [: 00:00:00

You're listening to rewild and free. This is the go to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Paszweir, your like hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex nurse turned matressant's guide and business coach leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Where thriving in motherhood is your birthright, and so is a successful and sustainable online business. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, bro marketing, and boss babe culture. Because in this space, We use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business development, cyclical orientation, and slow living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters.

Nicole [: 00:00:49

Okay, friend. Steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today, and let's go. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode. This one is kind of impromptu. I mean, if I'm being honest, most of my episodes are impromptu 2 unless they're with a guest, but this one is inspired, I guess you can say, by The flood of emails I'm seeing in my inbox lately just around, like, Black Friday sales and also inspired by some of the conversations I'm having with women online and in my mastermind just around and launching and selling and gearing up for Black Friday. And The things that I'm about to share with you really have nothing to do with Black Friday, but I do think that they are applicable because a lot of people are running sales, whether it's A new launch of something or a flash sale on an existing product.

Nicole [: 00:01:51

Either way, people are selling things. So This episode is 5 ways to stop marketing like you have a dick. And as I said, it's inspired by The overwhelming amount of things I'm seeing in my inbox and the ickiness, for lack of a better word, of Being sold to kind of the bro marketing way. And, specifically, the things that are kind of showing up To me, with alarm bells are when someone pops into my inbox that I haven't heard from in Weeks or months, and all of a sudden, they are kinda spamming me with a sale. And it's like, well, wait a minute. I don't even know who you are. Like, obviously, I must have signed up to be on your email list at some point. I must have seen value in whatever you were offering.

Nicole [: 00:02:43

I must have, at one point, Had a connection to you because I invited you into my inbox, but you've ghosted me. And now I have no idea who you are, and now you're wanting me to buy from you. And that just doesn't sit right with me. And I'm seeing a lot of pressure and urgency from Some other entrepreneurs in my community who are so excited about taking advantage of offering, like, a Black Friday sale or, like I said launching something new or doing a flash sale on an existing offer. But the thing is is if you aren't doing some of the back end foundational work to build the trust and nurture your audience, those sales aren't going to be successful. I really I mean and if they are, I I I would argue that that's kind of just luck and likely a numbers game. But I think in order to really be selling to our soulmate clients and to create that really intimate connection that we want, There needs to be more to it than just some spammy emails just because it's Black Friday, and We're told that now is a good time to sell things, and we're we're told that people are ready to buy. And I do think that people are ready to buy.

Nicole [: 00:03:59

I think there's a lot of people that Wait for Black Friday sales. They know that some of their favorite creators are likely going to be, selling something at Black Friday so people are ready to buy. But I really, really do think it's important that that relationship is tended to and nurtured beforehand. So let's get to it. This is, like I said, a list of Five ways to stop marketing like you have a dick. And the number 1 thing on my list is connection over performance. And I say this a lot. If you've shared space with me at all, you know this is one of my main mantras, connection over performance.

Nicole [: 00:04:38

Stop trying to perform. Stop trying to convince your clients that You know what you're talking about. You don't need to lecture them. You don't need to perform and try to convince them and prove your worth to them. This often looks like, like how to posts and trying to just kind of prove that you are an authority in in your industry, that you are a leader in your industry. And All of that is really cool. We do want to kind of have that social proof and that credibility, but I think there's much softer, feminine embodied ways to do that. And, yeah, I'd say one of the one of the main ways is to, less how to and more, what am I trying to say? Less telling and more showing.

Nicole [: 00:05:35

And I relate this closely to my interactions with my daughter right now. She is just over 2. And if you have ever experienced life with a toddler, they don't like being told what to do. Anytime I Ask her. Tell her. It's almost like I'm talking to a brick wall. And, really, the secret to getting into her mind so that she is actually Listening to what I'm trying to say is to show her. As soon as I get down to her level and start showing her what I was asking her to do, then it's like instantly monkey see, monkey do.

Nicole [: 00:06:09

And she wants to engage. She wants to pay attention. And, honestly, our our clients are no different. I think especially as women, assuming that your client is a woman and a mother, likely a, previous version of yourself. So it's really important to kinda tap into what we would have wanted to hear. And quite often, it's not about being lectured to. It's about feeling connected and feeling like we are seen and recognized and related to. And that doesn't come from posts that are are coming from a place of performance.

Nicole [: 00:06:49

And And if you're listening to this and thinking, oh, well, I I think I do this. I think my posts are giving off, like, connection vibes. I would love for you to kinda reflect on Who you are hoping to get engagement from on your posts. Like, when you make a post that you're really, really excited about, If someone in your industry shares it, does that make you light up like a Christmas tree because you feel like you've been recognized by a peer in your industry or maybe even someone that you see as superior to yourself in your industry? And if the answer is yes, I've been guilty of this. I I totally am so flattered when someone else in in my industry shares my stuff. But if that is kind of the goal and the bar we're setting for ourselves, That can really be an alarm for trying to perform because we are seeking the approval of someone else from our content as opposed to having the intention of connection. And I think connection can some k. Let me rephrase this.

Nicole [: 00:08:02

I think some examples to validate that your posts are connecting with your clients is having comments like, oh, I I feel so seen, or I never thought of it this way, or This is exactly what I'm experiencing. Oh my goodness. You must have been in my head. Stuff like that really validates that you are making your clients feel connected too. And my my kinda secret sauce to this is through storytelling. I think storytelling is a beautiful Way to build that connection and also being, like, vulnerable in your storytelling. So kind of being really specific and allowing your Your clients to see you show up messy and to see you in a vulnerable state. Because, again, nobody wants to be lectured to, but nobody wants to be lectured to by someone that supposedly, seemingly has it all together.

Nicole [: 00:08:59

Right? We we feel related to when we see someone else showing up in their messy, imperfect, chaotic self. So That actually leads to number 2, I guess. We're still on number 1. So, yeah, number 2 is to be yourself. Being yourself is a way to stop marketing like you have a dick because the pro marketers out there are really just, like, carbon copies of one another, almost like robots. They're following templates. They're following, proven strategies. It's a lot of, like, rinse and repeat type of stuff, and I just don't think that that is where we're going in feminine embodied business creation.

Nicole [: 00:09:46

I think that's Kind of like a one way road to being inauthentic in our content creation. And, I mean, this shows up in Whatever things you're creating, whether it's social media content, whether it's emails, blogs, podcast episodes, whatever it is, like, if it is always just a carbon copy of something you've already done. That's already taking away the authenticity of potentially, like, whatever season of your life you're in. And so by being yourself and really being present with whatever is going on in your world right now and not trying to cover it up. I think that's a beautiful way to, again, offer that connection and stay away from being overly performing. I feel like I have, like, burps or hiccups, and And I feel like I don't know if I'm talking too fast. I'm gonna have a sip of water. Don't mind me.

Nicole [: 00:10:45

And I probably can't be bothered to edit that out. So yeah. Number 2 on the list is being yourself. And, obviously, like, I could expand on this, but I think Just allowing yourself to show up a little bit more messy online, allowing your audience to see not just the imperfect It's parts of you, but, like, the weird parts of you. All the things that you're like, oh, I could never I could never share that online. Like, if you If you swear a lot at home, like, let your audience see that. Don't try to be this, like, prim and perfect person online if that's not actually who you are. If you love to watch, like, Gilmore Girls at night, like, let your audience know.

Nicole [: 00:11:27

That is just a connection point. And even if someone doesn't like Gilmore Girls, they're still gonna appreciate that you like Gilmore Girls. One of my previous mentors is, like, A huge Beyonce fan. I could care less about Beyonce, but I can connect to her in having, like, a favorite Musician, favorite artist. And I can connect to her passion for something like that. So I wanna be clear that doesn't have to be something you share in common with your audience. It just needs to be something that allows them to see more of you and allowing people to see, Like I said, not just the messy sides of yourself, but the the parts that, like, you think you need to hide in order to fit yourself in this box that society has told you you need to be in. Your quirks, your passions, things that get you really frustrated, your biggest pet peeves, things that get you really turned on and excited, like, all those things.

Nicole [: 00:12:22

We're talking 2nd, 3rd, 4th date kind of vibes, not just 1st date vibes. Your clients have already been on a first meet with you. So now it's time to really start getting more intimate and showing them all sides of you. And not because of them needing to, like, decide if they wanna accept you or reject you, but more so so that it builds trust and it builds that connection. So this really circles back to connection over performance. Because if we stick to those first date vibes, we're constantly stuck in performance. Moving on to number 3. Number 3 is to serve from a place of overflow.

Nicole [: 00:13:00

And again, I talk a lot about this in My work and with my clients. Because I think so many of us, even before becoming mothers, before starting our own businesses, were Kind of stuck in survival mode, living on autopilot, likely very disconnected from our bodies and kind of just like floating heads. And when we're living in that place, we are very much just pouring out whatever we have left, From a place of depletion, we don't really have a lot of steam to move forward or a lot of, like We're just not serving from a place of overflow. And I think as mothers specifically, we know that we need to be pouring into our own cup, But what we don't necessarily realize is that also ripples out to the entrepreneurship side of things and how we are showing up in our business. And so if you are constantly writing your emails and creating your social media content and recording your Videos for your upcoming course, like, at the end of the night because that's the only time you have left, but but you're super, super tired and you are literally surviving just off of coffee, like, that is not the way to show up to your community. And I think If we continue to normalize that and if we continue to just accept that as, oh, well, that's the only way for me to build this business, That's exactly how you burn yourself out, and that's exactly how you start forming resentment towards your business and your offers. And that's not the kind of business we're trying to build here. If you have been listening to the show, if you've been in my world, I'm gonna guess that you resonate with all of that and that you also wanna be serving from a place of overflow.

Nicole [: 00:14:50

And I feel like this could be a whole episode on its on its own because I think being able to serve from overflow isn't a one size fits all. It it starts with taking inventory of where your energy is being drained versus where your energy is being energized. And that's gonna be unique for each person. It also starts it also it also involves just becoming aware of how you actually fill your own cup because, again, that's not just Going for massages and pedicures and reading a book by the beach. Like, those things are awesome. And if those fill your cup, that's that's really cool. That's great to have on your list. But those aren't really everyday sustainable things, so it It's really important to be getting creative with how you're filling your cup up even on your busiest and most chaotic days.

Nicole [: 00:15:46

And often, for me, I'll just share some examples. That looks like moments of breath work. Like, literally, it might just be 3 deep breaths. And not not even like, oh, I'm gonna take 3 deep breaths and cross that off my to do list, but deeply and intentionally connecting with my body, and my breath, and almost doing, like, a mini mini body scan just to see what my body is needing. Something I've been doing after I put Aubrey down for a nap. Instead of thinking, oh, what's on my to do list? I I ask myself, like, what would be most nourishing right now? And very often, it comes down to some pretty basic needs. Very often, it's, oh, I actually need to go to the bathroom, and I didn't even notice I had a full bladder. Or, oh, I haven't had, Like much water today.

Nicole [: 00:16:30

I should go drink some water. Or, oh, I'm actually hungry. This would be a good time to have lunch uninterrupted and be able to eat my food while it's hot. It's like the super simple things. But if we don't create the space to do those things, we just keep going on with our day, and then bam, all of a sudden, the day's over, and We're like, oh, shit. We kind of missed the mark on taking care of ourselves today. We were so busy taking care of everyone else. And I think This shows up really sneakily in in business and content creation because It's just really easy to see how we are taking care of other people in, like, a physical sense, like, especially if you offer in person Or let's say you're like a birth doula and you are supporting birth in person.

Nicole [: 00:17:16

Like, it's really easy to quantify and tangibly see that, okay. Yeah. I just spent all my energy with us with this other person. It's also really easy to say, okay. I've just spent all day momming. I've been with little people all day. No wonder I'm tired. But what we forget is, like, all the time spent online and on Instagram and potentially, like, writing emails or recording content, Like, that is all a form of energy consumption as well, or I should say a form of energy exchange.

Nicole [: 00:17:45

It could be draining, but it also So it could be energizing. And, again, this is why it's important to start taking inventory of what that looks like for you. The other piece around serving from overflow is around, like, physical health and what you are physically consuming to To literally fill up, like, your body's energy stores and, like, your minerals and nutrients and Caloric intake, like, all of that stuff, all of that really matters. And, collectively, We are undernourished and living from a place of I wanna say the word chronic. I don't know if that fits in here. But But having, like, mineral and nutrient depletion and going through a pregnancy and a birth and then breastfeeding and potentially another pregnancy and another birth and more breastfeeding. Whatever your story is, like, that is all very physically demanding on your body. And, collectively, we aren't doing An awesome job at filling back our mineral and energy and nutrient reserves.

Nicole [: 00:18:53

And we are we are Starting from a place of, I'm losing my words, from a place of, like, underflow. And so, physically, we are already Living in survival. Our body is literally, like, screaming for more. And, I mean, this gets even more complex because we could also start looking at Things like exercise and sleep. And, I mean, it all starts connecting together, and it's all important. I'm not gonna speak too much on all of this. I, am excited because next week, I actually have, a podcast for you guys with my friend Katie who shares all about kind of reclaiming Our physical health in motherhood and speaks a lot about this, like, hormonal and nutrient depletion that so many of us are experiencing. So Check out that episode.

Nicole [: 00:19:50

It will drop next week, to have more information around, like, the physical side of things. Moving on to number 4. Number 4 is to lead from desire, not obligation. And, again, if you've been in my space for any length of time, you know that I preach this all of the time. The episode just before this was actually around this topic. So if you want more information, go check that out. But, basically, This involves, like, not shoulding on yourself, so not taking action based on all the shoulds that you think you should be doing. And often those shoulds are coming from external pressures and someone else's rules, someone else's version of success.

Nicole [: 00:20:30

And again, in the context of, like, bro marketing and marketing as if you have a dick, this is this is someone else's version of success. These are someone Else's templates and strategies, and they, quite frankly, don't fit in with motherhood. So again, this involves learning and taking inventory of what actually feels good, what actually brings you joy, what actually is your desire. Desire and pleasure obviously comes in many forms. But in the context of this conversation, I'm referring to What brings you joy in your business? What parts of your business do you actually enjoy doing? Do you like writing emails? Okay. Cool. Keep writing emails. Do you like showing up live on Instagram or in your stories? Cool.

Nicole [: 00:21:17

Keep doing that. If you don't like those things, why are you doing them? If you're constantly feeling like you are obligated to show up online at a certain frequency, again, why are you doing that? This is where it's really important to start noticing when you're shoulding on yourself. So as your to do list builds up for the day, What things are you saying, oh, I should do that? And is that should coming from a place of desire or a place of obligation? Because Someone, something has led you to believe that that's what you have to be doing. This goes without saying, but, obviously, the message here is to do more of what Feels good. Do more of what you actually desire and less of what you think you should be doing. Let's move on. Number 5 kind of goes Along with this, sort of in a way, number 5 is to prioritize rest. And I think our society has a really fucked up definition of what rest looks like.

Nicole [: 00:22:12

We've kinda been taught that rest is a reward and that we have to earn our rest. And I think as mothers, we've Kind of passively accepted that, like, there just isn't space for us. Like, we we are moms, so we are on all the time. We are doing all the things. We carry many hats. So, like, rest just isn't a thing that we get in this season of our life, and that's just something that I don't subscribe to. I have been very, very intentional about prioritizing my rest, and really reframing and redefining what rest looks like, and allowing myself to engage and indulge in nonproductive rest. So, again, this kind of takes some trying things on for size.

Nicole [: 00:22:57

This isn't a one size fits all. This isn't something that I can just prescribe and say, okay. Here's all the things you can do, to prioritize rest because rest is gonna look different to you just like Your desires and just the things that bring you joy and pleasure are all gonna look different for you. So, I think the main message here is to just be really, like, protective of your energy and grounding yourself potentially, like, multiple times a day, Not just waiting until shit hits the fan to reconnect with yourself and ground back to the present, but doing that more as a preventative thing, I guess, like like maintenance. I also think that rest is something that We often we often might kind of label ourselves as lazy when we're resting, especially, like, nonproductive rest. Like, if we are just laying on the couch and doing, quote, unquote, nothing, it's really easy to label that as lazy. And I think Part of that redefining and that reframing around the word rest is recognizing that rest is actually productive in the sense of it recharging and refueling ourselves. So coming back to, the point around serving from a place of overflow, it's really important that we are recharging ourselves in some way.

Nicole [: 00:24:15

I I have a feeling you probably just heard my dog, Piper, howling in the background. Definitely not gonna edit that out. It's hilarious. She howls all the time. That's, like, her happy bark. So that's how we know that she's happy and she's excited. Totally lost Train of thought there, but let's keep going. There's so many analogies I could give right now to really help this land for you.

Nicole [: 00:24:39

2 of the big ones that I love and I often reorient to when I'm having a hard time allowing myself to rest is This idea of a car. And, obviously, nobody bats an eyelash when you have to go get your car gas. Nobody is like, oh, you have to go Fill your car up with gas. What's wrong with your car? Like, that is just so normal. Of course, you need to give your car gas. So, of course, you need to give yourself gas, and that gas often is from resting. So I like that analogy. And then the other one is just really looking to nature as our template And our blueprint and we know the seasons.

Nicole [: 00:25:21

We know there's spring, summer, winter, and fall. Not in that order, but you know what I mean. And, obviously, like, fall and winter are a time for things to die and let go and hibernate, and It's really this season of rest. And I've seen some reels going around on Instagram, some trending audio sharing about how There was a study done on some fancy trees. And the fancy trees that were given, I think, like a steroid or some sort of hormone to basically make them produce, like, tree leaves all year long ended up dying really, really early, and they were basically in chronic stress. They were in survival mode. They were They were serving from a place of underflow and depletion. They were not thriving versus the trees that weren't injected, whatever thing was injected into the trees to make them go go go.

Nicole [: 00:26:21

The trees that actually got to rest and have a proper fall and winter where their leaves die off and they are in hibernation and dormant, and whatever words you wanna throw in here to explain what nature does. The trees that got that lived for, like, many, many years like a normal tree shed. So it just really shows the importance of Taking the time to rest, taking the time to recharge, taking the time to refuel, whatever word resonates with you, Let it land. Let it permeate permeate your bones. The other thing too is I really I really do believe that culturally, socially, we have obviously, we've been kind of conditioned to believe that That rest like I said, rest needs to be earned and that we need to be productive at all times, and we've been praised for being go, go, go. And so, again, I really orient to the fact of, like, how cool is it that I get to model rest for my daughter and that she gets to see me, quote, unquote, being lazy, but that lazy isn't a bad thing, that we should all be lazy. That's our list of 5 things. So those are obviously I mean, the list could probably be expanded.

Nicole [: 00:27:40

The list could be huge. I could obviously go into more detail for all of those things, but it was my intention to keep this episode short and sweet, and somehow it's still, like, half an hour long. Sorry about that, but I do think these are some of some of the big things that are missing in the marketing world. And These are things that are really important in the new paradigm of marketing, the feminine embodied way. So I hope this was helpful. As always, I love to hear from you guys. So if you're listening and things land, please let me know. My DMs are always open.

Nicole [: 00:28:16

I am honestly spending way too much time on Instagram lately, but I would love, love, love to hear from you. Also, if some of this stuff sounds really interesting and you kinda wanna dive into it further and really start exploring how it looks in your life and how it looks in your business, You really need to get on my wait list for my upcoming group program in the new year, the embodied reset. It is really all about rebirthing the soul of your business, and beginning to show up and serve your people from a place of overflow, because I really think that that is just so important. And I'm not just meaning your clients. I'm also meaning your family, your kids, your partner, yourself. It's time to stop living in survival. And, of course, there's always option to work 1 on 1 together. I still have a couple spots remaining for the rest of the year, so don't hesitate to reach out if you are wanting some private support.